Children tell us everything we need to know about them…. and they understand everything
In the last episode a young girl calls in and does a minute and a half of adolescent, immature “I feel so free when I am traveling -I feel so stifled when I am home with you mom and dad. I can reinvent myself when I am away from home and anything is possible” followed by the requisite “I detest money, I don’t believe in money, I want to live a life where money doesn’t matter” song and dance….
BUT THEN…. she reveals herself… deeply,honestly, profoundly… LISTEN….
This young woman goes on to say that she is sick of living in a house where everyone pretends that her parents have a happy marriage.
She knows that her parents “happy” marriage is a sham. She is sick of living a lie.
And here is where she breaks my heart, here is where I think she is authentically expressing her self…. Children are desperate to feel safe, and loved and taken care of. No one feels safe when they are surrounded by lies… worst of all a lie everyone is pretending doesn’t exist. It is the perennial elephant in the living room… it makes a child feel crazy, insecure, like the world can not be trusted…. that they are unsafe, and possibly wrong for feeling the way that they do.
and here she is on the phone… telling us she knows her parents are lying to her…begging them to stop lying..to have the grace and love and courage to face their real feelings so that they can be the parents she craves and deserves
And this child in virginia… this child who killed so many other children…. (who almost surely was seriously molested during his younger years… you don’t have to be an MD to know that someone who writes about sex the way he did had experienced severe abuse) this child cried out again and again… I can not begin to imagine his rage…. I am frankly afraid to imagine his rage…..
How many other kids are out there who NEED to be listened to … who DESERVE to be listened to…..
At what cost do we continue to smile and pretend?